I will open with the most important piece of this blog: When you decide you do not apologize or ask for permission to be who you are is when you truly understand the meaning of the word “want”. This word is one of the foulest four letter words in the English language? Why? Because it is naturally and automatically fucking corrupt. Yes, emphasis on the words “fucking corrupt”. In a sense, the word means to long for what you do not have. When in reality, we all have what we want if we get it. And we all CAN have what we desire. Whether you should or not, that’s another blog.
Anything short of getting what you desire is pitty and envy….not want. If you do not acquire what you desire, you may be seeking something unhealthy or unneccessary. The truth is, I despise this word…”want”. Aside from posting furniture and artwork I wish to own, the word does not exist in my vocabulary typically. Not to say I am above it or below it, I just don’t believe in living below your own expectations and needs in life. I do not say “I wish I could, I want to learn how to paint”… I just fucking do it whether it sucks or not in someone’s eyes. I truly do not care in my heart whether or not someone approves of my personality traits, hobbies or desires. I love what I love…always have and always will. So my answer to this question lies behind the beholder’s eyes. Truly you can not keep fighting for something that does not hold your fist. If your efforts are lost, you probably should have left the fight ages ago. If not, and that is what you desire, kick it in the ass and show it who’s boss. Otherwise, don’t complain if you sit…and wait… for it to get better. Nothing fosters in idle time except learning within yourself.
There is no such thing as “enough” in my opinion if you truly decide to pursue that which you intend to enjoy or destroy. Some would call that overly passionate or in some cases destructive. But lets look at the brilliant men and women of our time that hold chapters in our school books as we learn… Leonardo Da Vinci (one of my fathers), never allowed the masses to dictate his “place” in life. An advisor to Kings, an unparalleled artist, one of our anatomical fathers and a family man… there is no spoon. Beethoven decided to write symphonies without the ability to hear and has inspired orchestral madness during your lifetime, your parents’ lifetime, your grandparents’ lifetime and so on… and took your shit by storm whether you hear him or not… there is no box. Imhotep was the advisor of Pharaohs, a king of his own with his study and ability to heal when there was no such thing as “anti-biotics”. He believed in magic and the levels of reincarnation… crazy? To some.
In short, if you don’t see the truth and consequence behind your own choices, blame another for outcome or cast yourself aside to allow someone else to hold your spotlight, you have not yet seen your true days in life. Take a birds eye view of your life and really ask yourself, am I at the steering wheel?
Love yourself before you love another. Take hold of who your inner self decides to be… regardless of who the fuck is looking. Love and be loved.