Archive for the Women are Complicated Category

A Pheobes request: D-Bags & the Women Who Love Them

Posted in Love, Men are Complicated, Randoms, Women are Complicated on February 28, 2012 by juliegypsy

What a topic that has been assigned to me from the great Captain Phoebes. It has taken me over a month to write it. Probably because I had to endure the bullshit that D-bags bring before I could truly write about this subject.

For me, the last week and a half has been abhorred and regurgitated. I have expelled just as much as I have inhaled. Here’s the thing. I am not a man hater but this post is definitely going to sound like it because I have nothing nice to say at the moment.

Douchebag: A man or woman whom decides to act like they are in a mid-life crisis. Either courting everything in sight and lying about it, or just simply treating you like shit because they know they can and you have allowed it. This is usually due to your own lack of seeing their douchebaggery before hand, but none-the-less, still a douchebag.

Women tend to love douchebags for 1 of 2 reasons. 1) The douchebag has put up a front long enough for the woman not to see them as a douchebag and has then gone into “guardian angel I can fix him” complex all the while making excuses for the reasons of experiencing said douchebaggery… or 2) she has no self esteem and is more than willing to take the shit of any half decent looking man just for the attention because her Mommy and/or Daddy didn’t show her the proper kind of love and how to respect herself. Or there is always the selective option #3) Nice guy freaks out and has a midlife crisis that you happened to be the proud recipient of.

I have not known many douchebags until recently being single. And the funny thing is that the douchebags are the exes….not new people I meet. Men go through this stage (or many stages) where they need attention … lots of it. And if you don’t give it to them, even if they act like dipshits and you have more than enough reason not to, they will find it anywhere in any form just to satisfy the primal need of a silly girl granting them an unknowing smile.

This makes me very disappointed in men. If you can’t set a somewhat acceptable standard, you’re not even worth talking to. If you have low level tadpole wet behind the ears stupid cupid grin taste, you have lost yourself and should not spread your arrogant genes anywhere. My past 2 exes after being with me cannot seem to find a beautiful intelligent woman their age to save their life. Instead they find needy emotionally dramatic kids who are naive to their “manly powers”. This is not dignified in my eyes. It makes this type of man look very desperate and childish. No self respecting grown woman who has a good job, is intelligent and has “per-say” balls is going to love or even like you when they figure this out. It’s disgusting and the only thing it gives you is a temporary satisfaction to a very childish primal instinct. Where have all the real men gone? You know… the ones that actually take pride in their adulthood and have learned and grown through experiences and have such experiences to share? Instead they just grab your tits and say… “burduuuuhhhh… I like these. hehehe boobs”.

I have decided that if that is what the world has to offer, I understand why women have so many cats and stay inside. Who the hell wants that? And why do men think its attractive in any sense?

Additionally, douchebaggery can come in the corporate – established man – well dressed format. But underneath it all….they are still thinking… “burduuuuhhh I like your boobs.” Boobs are great… I love boobs… I love MY boobs… but for the sake of the world, stop being fucking douchebags.

Phoebes insisted I explain why women still end up with them and love them.

Reason #1) Women have needs too. If everyone is a douchebag, we have to land somewhere. You’re not special.

Reason #2) The douchebagens has convinced us he is fixable and its all circumstantial.

Reason #3) The woman is just plain lacking self esteem

So in theory, yes you could absolutely say this about women too. But the crown for douchebaggery goes to exes today. Cheers to your DUI and pregnancies!


Gripes of Terror Exes

Posted in Life, Men are Complicated, Women are Complicated with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2011 by juliegypsy

Yes – even a free thinking, free spirited, creative independent Gypsy has an all associated, pissed off ex story. I dont think we ever truly get over the experience of why someone in our life becomes an “ex” or why we became one for that matter. We all think there is no reason in hell that it’s our fault. We blame game, point fingers, cry, get angry, get revenge, speak ill of those we once loved, eagerly piss on old photos (ok maybe that one is just me). But when the ex factor becomes cement, there are very specific orders of thoughts and events where the human mind commonly and strategically acts out within this perfect order.

The Break Up – Indecisive Anger: “What the hell was he thinking? Who is HE to tell me who I am? Only I know me best! Maybe this is fixable. Maybe I did something… oh hell no I did not. Why does HE call all the shots and try to gain control of this fucked up mess of a relationship? Maybe I can talk him into being a nice guy again. Oh hell no I shouldn’t have to do that. How can HE act like HE has all the right and be such a dick to ME?”

Reality: Everyone thinks this about everyone regardless of gender or how wrong the other person was. In the end, we all fight for the same rights: dignity and self respect that we all know we deserve. The thing is, so are they. Its when someone else comes into our lives, we have all these great memories, we open ourselves up and then POW – we or they or both shit on it and kill it faster than it sprouted. Unless you have been the most passive nice person and someone just beat the shit out of you for no reason (only time this blog post does not apply), we are all assholes. As much as I hate to admit that, I will raise my hand and admit that I am a classic asshole who reeks of the next step.

Revenge: When we decide it’s not our fault, we have been wronged and the other person is showing they dont care or are being spiteful, our first response is… “what can I do to get their attention in ALL the wrong ways”. This is indeed the wrong response but human is human and we all do it. Maybe some more than others. Some humans still have self control. But most dont. So when we feel wronged, we become a shadow of ourselves and seek revenge. Such as… going to Barnes & Noble or your local book store and selecting the “bill me later” option and subscribing your ex to every magazine in history. Or ordering the Sunday paper and selecting “bill me later”. Or opening an Amazon account and sending every self disrespecting sex toy to their house Or adding them to Its a vicious and terrible thing revenge is.

Reality: It all comes back to you times three. Karma is karma whether you believe in it or not. Whether you feel wronged or doubted or disrespected, in the end, no one gives a shit. The fun was the chase and when you were together. At the closing, its an ugly massacre that sprays guilt on both your lives and your houses. So dont be banished as the stories are told.

Welcoming Your Psychotic Nature: Everyone (mostly your ex) will tell you that you are insane. That you need therapy and shouldn’t be able to run loose in society. Their last thought before going to bed is the comfort that maybe at some point you will be placed in a padded room never to be heard from again.

Reality: Fuck em if they cant stand the heat. They shouldn’t have treaded on waters that were rapid in the first place if they couldn’t handle your inner passion. 🙂

The End

Lame excuses used by people to back out of situations they put themselves in and why they either comfort you (thanks for sparing my feelings pal) or piss you off (seriously? Own your shit, pussy)

Posted in Life, Men are Complicated, Women are Complicated with tags , , , , on December 5, 2011 by juliegypsy

A blog topic challenge provided by Captainess Phoebe Von CatLady

Male Lame Excuse #1: “What phone number? That’s not a phone number, it’s my gym locker code. I only went to the bar to watch the fight with my buddies. I didn’t do anything or meet anyone! You’re overreacting!”

Male’s Actual Thought Process: “I’m dressing up to watch the fight because my manliness is just too grand for the ladies not to enjoy. I may or may not meet a girl. If I don’t thats ok because I already have the one I’m used to at home. So I’ll just throw out my mojo and see what happens.” – “Ooops… guess I put out that man scent too fierce-like. Oh well, she’s got a nice ass and there’s no harm in playing single. Yeah boyee! I’ll just not program a name to the number and just ‘harmlessly’ text for attention… she’ll never know.”

No Excuses: If you feel the need to pump up your man juice and enjoy bar hoe attention, you’re probably not getting what you need at home. Bar hoes are only good for just that… a short lived desparate attempt for one night’s butterflies. After that, you’re in the shit because either you go through with it and eventually lose what you already have (women ALWAYS know) or you dont and have a totally different mess on your hands because now you hurt the dumb bar hoe bitch’s feelings (bar hoes are typically psycho – duh… thats why they are always there). Instead of making excuses and creating insecurity in your relationship, be single with honesty or keep your dick in your pants with honesty and work on whats broken in your relationship. Honesty within yourself and to others gets you everywhere.


Female Lame Excuse #1: “Why can’t I fit in my size 7 jeans anymore? I must have stepped in some nuclear reactive material that makes the female body swell. Or maybe it was the shellfish I ate.. that’s all. It will go away eventually magically – my man better love me anyway or he’s a superficial asshole and it’s his problem.”

Female’s Actual Thought Process: “I’m fat and ugly and insecure. I don’t have the energy to run 5 miles a day. Who the hell does that on purpose? I am just too busy and those heavenly peanut butter M&Ms are a quick snack. If I wasn’t so miserable at work and at home, I might have the energy to diet or work out. I should be able to eat what I want and my man work his ass off to look good for me. Yep!”

No Excuses: Ladies, if you’re putting crappy food in your body, your body is going to look like crap. Facts are facts. And if you want a dignified hot man that is individually successful and has a knack for treating women like gold, you’re going to have to accept that THAT man is not looking for a woman who sits on her ass eatting M&Ms and makes excuses. If you and your man met when you were both healthy, things changed, and now you’re feeling insecure, it’s probably because one or both of you stopped trying. Get off your asses and work out your pudge or eat healthy at the very least. At that point, you’ll either find someone who appreciates the form you have or you’ll both die of heart disease. Stop bitching and do something about it or find someone who matches your lifestyle and deal with it.